My gift

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  On July 9th 1985 God gave me a gift. It was wrapped in hard work, disguised as poor timing and cloaked with blinding love. I returned that gift into the world on Sunday March 6th 2011.  It is fully equipped and ready to make it's mark in the world.

 I'm left with a void in my life and a smile on my face as I see how well she turned out.

 As I drive to her new place with her skateboard (Snow board) and things I can't help but remember that day...they handed me this curly stranger with dimples to feed. Sitting in a room in New York Queens Hospital, I laid eyes on Diana Cecilia and fell in love. I felt the compulsive desire to memorize every part of her and protect her. It was like a wave, it was blinding indeed. Nothing and no one could ever occupy the same space in my heart in quite the same way. Everything I did from that point on was to provide and protect her.

Notice she is wearing my wonder woman underoos :)

I made many mistakes along the way and will continue to make them.  One would think that I would learn by now but babe, every new thing is new to me and I'm either going to do it right or mess it up but I will fix it, change it or adjust along the way and no matter what, Diana, I love you and want the best for you.

I'm happy and sad, and it occurs to me I should have had more babies, they could habe been a back up, an opportunity to try on my new found wisdom, but I guess it wasn't meant to be. Instead I'm alone for the first time in my life. Free to be. It is exciting, scary and sad all at the same time. I'm looking forward to Diana's future and my own with Michael and mostly hope, some day, to spoil her children and be there for her as a lighthouse while she ventures into the world and tries new things.

I am proud of you. Thank you for being you.